The Cool Communicator: When a Friendship Ends
Break ups are never easy, but you still always know you have your girlfriends to turn to. But what are you supposed to do after a friendship break-up? It been said that guys come and go but girlfriends are forever. That is … until they’re not. There are some friendships that unfortunately don’t always remain, well friendly.
Whether you were the one to call it quits or not, it’s over and there will certainly be some unpleasant feelings about it. Here are some tips to help you get over the sorrowful emotions associated with a “friendship break-up.”
- NO CONTACT. Just like a relationship break up it’s best not to contact the other person. No matter how much you may feel the desire to. Give it a day and see how you feel. Then, give it another day, and so on and so on. After a break up it’s best to react only when you are not feeling overly emotional.
- WRITE A NOTE. If you still feel the need to contact the friend after some time, write a note expressing your feelings but remain positive and don’t finger point. If you don’t hear anything back it’s clear it’s over.
- NO-POST LETTER. Either the “ender” or the “endee” can do this. Write a letter to the person but DO NOT SEND IT, expressing the feelings you have about the failure of the friendship. The purpose of this exercise is to work through your feelings of regret, frustration and hurt. This is also good to do instead of bad-mouthing the person to other people. That will only reflect poorly on you.
- REFLECT. Think about the friendship: were there things you felt you were not getting out of the relationship? Or maybe you felt overly relied upon. What are some of the qualities you want in a friend? What do you need from someone for a friendship to work? This is a good time to look at what you want and make sure those desires are realistic expectations. Would the things on your list be things you would be willing to do yourself or things that you would expect someone else to want in a friendship?
- TREAT YOURSELF. Do things that make you happy; read a book, watch a movie, take a bath or take a walk. That activity or hobby that you’ve long wanted to try, do it now. Jump right in. List off a bunch of your favorite things and ask yourself what is stopping you from doing them?
- STRENGTHEN FRIENDSHIPS. Focus on those friends that you do have. Are they aware of how much they mean to you? Take them out for a coffee and tell them. It’s never wrong to tell someone they mean a lot to you! (Anyone else have a sudden urge to watch Golden Girls?)
- LEARNING EXPERIENCE. Consider the friendship loss as a learning experience. Every situation you experience leaves something that can be taken from it as a lesson to be learned.
The saying may be a bit cheesy, but nevertheless still true, when one thing ends it’s the beginning for something else. You are not alone, there are people that care about you and yes this friend ship didn’t last, but that is ok, you will be fine. Affirm this fact to yourself anytime you feel lost.
About Nicole Rubacha
Ever since Nicole was a little girl she has wanted to be a writer. She loved stories and reading was also a passion. Her mom used to tell her to go to bed, but Nicole would stay up under the covers with a flash light reading late into the night. As she got older she began to explore many other passions; philosophy, film, music, make up and improv, to name a few, but writing was there, in some form or another. Check out her blog at http://alittlewomanlost.blogspot.com/.