Savvy Minds: Ask Dr. V ~ What Can I Do to Make Good Things Happen?

Dear Dr. V ~

We’re barely a few weeks into 2011 and I’m already feeling pressure. I always hear people saying “This is your year! Make it happen!” and that kind of thing. And the truth is, I don’t know if it is, and I’m worried that if it is, I could somehow mess things up and that’ll be it. For instance, I’ve been single for awhile, and I’d really like to meet someone. And of course I can’t help but wonder, “Is this my year to fall in love?”  Same thing with my job. I know I’m lucky to have a job, but I’m not happy there, and I think, “Next year at this time will I still be stuck in this same hell hole?” What can I do to make these things happen, what can I do to feel better?


Dear Beth,

Wow, sounds like you’re not letting yourself have that happy of a new year. And while I certainly understand and empathize with your dissatisfaction with what’s going on (or not going on) in both your personal and professional life, I think the first thing you need to do is cut yourself some slack here. Not only because beating yourself up over this kind of thing is a completely pointless and painful endeavor, but you could be putting that energy towards pulling yourself out of the rut you’re in. And I think on some level you are aware of this. You ended your question by asking me how you could find a romantic partner, satisfaction at your job and generally feel better. The answer to that is to reverse the order of those items: if you can get yourself to start feeling better, what you are seeking may end up presenting itself.

Often times, when someone winds up in such an unsatisfactory circumstance, the tragic and comic truth of the matter is that the creator of the situation is the individual. I’m not saying that what’s going on is “your fault,” but rather that just as you had the power to place yourself where you are, you are equally powerful enough to lift yourself out of it.

So the $64,000 question of course, is, “How?” My suggestion would be to examine your day-to-day routine. the ins and outs of your life, so you can truly figure out just what you’re doing, in the most literal sense of the word. For example, the hours you are not at work or busy with work, are you actively seeking employment elsewhere? I hate to sound like a high-school guidance counselor, but have you considered what steps need to be taken to make you ready for your  (pardon the phrase), “dream job?”

I’m not one of these New Agey types, but I do believe in destiny, and I believe the only way anyone can fail is if they deny their authentic self and follow a path not true to their heart (in this case, wasting your precious hours away at a job you don’t like). The way I see it, the position you were meant for and will find most fulfilling is ready and waiting for you. Your responsibility is to be ready for it. Whether it’s putting in hours on your own projects after you get home, going back to school, or simply pounding the pavement (or more appropriate to our digital age, e-pounding the cyber pavement) you need to take the initiative and create positive, deliberate and proactive action in your life. Though you have to begin this quest alone, once you make your intentions known to the Universe through thought and deed, allies and friends may present themselves to you from the most unexpected of places.

Now, in regards to the search for a lover, well… it’s not so cut and dry.  Again, what’s important here is what you do with your days, but in a less direct way than I described above. It’s been said that nobody likes the smell of desperation. While you don’t sound desperate, you do sound frustrated, and I believe that desperation is often the product of fermented frustration. As I’ve advised other eligible women in your predicament before, take a page from Eastern Mysticism and Do Without Doing. This doesn’t mean giving up on love, but it means accepting that outside of presenting yourself to the Universe (and by extension, the rest of us silly Humans) as your most authentic, highly realized self, there isn’t much more you can do to force Fate’s hand.

That might seem like a dour take on things, but if you really think about it, it’s not. In fact, it sort of parallels the suggestion I made to you regarding your job search. It’s not that what you’re looking for isn’t there, you may just not be ready to find it.

Really take some time to think about what it is that makes you  feel not just happy, but  fulfilled. When you have truly ascertained what that is, go after it relentlessly. By doing so you are honoring and exercising your authentic self, and, like any other aspect of our being, when that part of our spiritual anatomy is exercised, it grows in strength. And, just like it’s physical counterpart, it gets people to take notice. Often the romantic kind.

With Love and Light,

Dr. V

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