What kind of working gal or overwhelmed student has the time to prepare a complicated dinner with 50 ingredients? Seriously, who can summon up the energy to whip up a fabulous gourmet meal on a budget after working all day? These are the questions that plagued me when I first had the idea to write a cookbook that catered to real people with real lives who still wanted to eat really delicious food. I had arrived at a veritable point of no return after months of eating mac ’n cheese out of the box during my senior year of college, and I began to imagine a different way of approaching the kitchen.

I teamed up with my aunt, an award-winning pediatrician and mother of four who has always been our family’s go-to-gourmet. She taught me everything I know, from overcoming my incapacitating fear of knives to whipping up the perfect béchamel sauce. United in our gastronomical quest, we spent many happy hours brainstorming the kind of cookbook that would appeal to busy folks on a budget, and we came up with Students Go Gourmet: Simple Gourmet for Every Day. Easy, affordable, delicious, and nutritious—these are the hallmarks of our approach.

So instead of settling for boring, high-sodium meals out of frozen boxes, try your hand at easy recipes that could skyrocket your cuisine to gourmet, boost your health, and please your taste buds all at once, like our New Orleans Spicy White Bean Dip. This quick and tasty tribute to the Bayou takes about a minute to make: just toss the ingredients (including high-protein, high-fiber, low-fat cannellini beans) into a food processor and hit blend! If your sweet tooth aches like mine does, our Thyme Truffles might be just the cure. Witness for yourself how fast and foolproof these handmade delicacies are on our instructional DVD (along with over 13 other recipes).

Let’s be honest: few people have the time to run to the grocery store more than once a week. In light of that reality for so many working gals, busy moms, and broke students, one of our main goals is to eliminate the number of times you have to run to the grocery store. The Well Stocked Student’s Kitchen teaches you how to stock your pantry and kitchen shelves with things like fresh basil, which you can have on hand for making pesto (which is great on toast, in pasta, with grits, with fresh vegetables, with chicken and fish, and the list goes on!), a delicious Caprese salad (fresh tomatoes, creamy mozzarella, a drizzle of olive oil), or a light pizza. One of my favorite pantry staples is fig jam. Now you may be wondering the following things: what on earth is fig jam, who on earth would use fig jam, and where on earth would I find it? It’s basically fig preserve, very similar to the taste and consistency of the gooey filling of dried Turkish figs, boasting a tart, sweet, earthy, rich flavor. Fig jam pops up in our crowd-pleasing Fig & Gorgonzola Bites as well at least 6 other recipes.

I find the most efficient item for any kitchen (only $15 to $30 bucks!) is a small food processor that will churn out tasty dips and spreads for you in less than a minute. My go-to potluck dish is a delicious Honey Cashew Spread (see recipe below)—smoky, rich, crunchy, sweet, with a secret ingredient that might stump even the savviest of gourmands. Like the New Orleans White Bean Dip, it’s as simple as loading all the ingredients into your food processor and blending. That’s the epitome of dorm-room gourmet. Our style of low-maintenance culinary design has stuck with me through grad school and into the working world, and it’s guaranteed to save your wallet and palate from the overpriced and the ordinary.

Complementary recipes, blogs, and more information about Students Go Gourmet and where to purchase it can be found on our website: www.studentsgogourmet.com.

Honey Cashew Spread
Ingredients:
2 cups of cashew nuts (if salted, do not add any extra salt, if not then add 1 teaspoon Kosher salt)
1Ž2  cup olive oil
4 tablespoon honey
2 teaspoons cumin
4 teaspoons garlic paste
1Ž2 teaspoon ground black pepper (or 1 teaspoon, depending on how much of a kick you want)

Directions:
Mix all ingredients in a food processor for 10 to 20 seconds, then add the olive oil in a slow stream to the food processor while it is running. Let the processor run for about 1 minute. Tip: you have nonstick cooking spray around, spray the measuring spoon before you add the honey, and the honey will slide off the spoon with ease.

Not to scare you, but if you really want to know just how much your children are costing you each year, you can go to http://www.cnpp.usda.gov/calculatorintro.htm and depending on the number of children you have, their ages, and a few other questions, you can calculate just how far your little angels will set you back. Parents are reminded constantly of this, especially when the seasons change, the kids have outgrown last year’s wardrobe, and many family spending plans are thrown into the red.  While you can’t avoid these expenses altogether, there are ways to control them so you don’t have to bust your budget when the leaves start changing. Keep reading for some tips to help you do just that:

1. Before setting out to buy new seasonal clothes, be sure of what you really need: Closets are also usually full of clothes from every season dating back for a few years. Now is a great time to go through your child’s wardrobe and discard any items that can no longer be worn.  Have a good idea of what is left and let that guide you in your new purchases. Even better, make a list and stick to it!

2. When buying news clothes, don’t feel like you have to buy an entire wardrobe: your kids will keep growing through-out the year and the seasons will keep changing, so spread these purchases over the year to avoid buying a closet full of clothing that might be wearable for only a few months.

3. If you have more than one child, you may be able to pass down some items:  I’m sure I am not the only parent that finds new and like-new items in my children’s closets.  Consider passing these down to your younger children, or offer them to friends or family.  Donate items that are left over, and keep records of these donations for tax time.

4. Take advantage of tax free weekends: this is a no-brainer.  Plan your shopping around these weekends to take advantage of some significant savings.

5. Consider shopping at clothing consignment stores and sites like eBay®: you can find new and nearly new clothing in all of the hip clothing lines for a fraction of the price.  Shop these first and hit the malls and department stores for the rest.

6. Save expensive items for Christmas and birthday gifts: it’s natural for your children to want the latest sneakers, or designer clothes. If these items fall outside of your budget, let your children have the option of putting these on their birthday or Christmas wish list. Your child will get something that they really want, and you’ll make Grandma’s job easier.

Keep in mind that it is ok to tell your child NO.  Clothes are a need but the latest designer jeans or shoes aren’t.  You have the final say in what you will purchase, but if you don’t want to tell your children NO, then give them choices: gently worn instead of new, one expensive item instead of two affordable ones, tops from the hip stores but generic bottoms.

If your kids are older consider letting them do their own shopping.  Drop them off at the mall with a universal gift card preloaded with your child’s budget and a list of items that they need.  Let them make the difficult decisions when it comes to limited resources and unlimited options.  Your child will either impress you with their ability to stretch a dollar, or you will have to make some exchanges, but either way it’s a learning experience.

About the Author

Steve Repak, CFP® is the author of “Dollars & Uncommon Sense: Basic Training For Your Money.” For more information, please visit www.DollarsAndUncommonSense.com.

“Women are crazy!”  It’s a common phrase.

People say it idly. Cartoon characters say it. Entire television shows revolve around the idea. Children, teens, adults—they all say it. Even women say it, but mostly … men say it.

How many women have had a man shout at them, “You’re acting crazy!” Or what about, “You have lost it!” Even better, “I guess men are just tougher than women.”

Most times the suggestion that women have some kind of mental flaw occurs when they are expressing intense emotion, usually that which involves tears and more commonly that which could be called “hysterical.”

But does that really mean you are crazy? Every woman has this experience. We all cry, we scream, occasionally we slam things, so can such emotions really be a symptom of psychological defect? Yet, women accept that expressing their emotions is something to apologize for, and most women are ashamed of their tears, especially when shed in public, in front of men and worst, at work.

It doesn’t matter who the woman is either: a business woman, a college student, a stay at home mom, a single working mom, a soldier. It doesn’t matter how much strength you exude. It’s assumed that if you are a woman, you are probably on the edge of an inevitable breakdown.

And, we accept it. Not just women but our entire society. Why? Where did this come from?

Believe it or not, it stems from over a century ago, from the Victorian Age of America, 1837-1901. This was a time period when women and men had become strictly structured into two separate spheres. Historians call the women’s sphere the “Cult of Domesticity,” which had four core values: piety, purity (or virginity), domesticity and submission. This was believed to be a woman’s natural place and where she fit best because of her sensitive and dependent nature.

Women who did not embrace these values were considered defective, and often times this unnatural behavior was blamed on the popular disease for women called “hysteria.” An umbrella diagnosis for a variety of “nervous complaints,” hysteria cases ranged from actual mental illness to unacceptable behavior including promiscuity, homosexuality and rebellion.
Treatments included opium tinctures, the water cure, bed rest and sensory deprivation, genital massage, electro-therapy, admission into an insane asylum and surgical removal of the defective organ, a procedure termed a “hysterectomy.”

It was easy to diagnose a woman as mentally ill for any number of reasons because psychologists had determined that women were more susceptible to emotional distress than men. Their reasons for this conclusion included women having smaller brains, wandering uteruses, and a failure to have fully evolved. The Victorian medical world insisted women should remain within the home environment where they could be safe from the stresses and harsh realities of the world.

Despite how far we have come as a society and how far we have come as women, many of these ideas still linger in the background of our societal belief structures. They are the type of ideas that are deeply imbedded within values passed down from generation to generation without anyone really noticing.

The idea that women are more susceptible to mental stress even continues today in the medical world with depression and anxiety cases. Modern statistics back these conclusions, but what numbers don’t show is how many men feel ashamed of seeking therapy or help with the same problems because it seems weak.

So the next time you are having a “crying day,” and are about to tell yourself how pathetic you are for feeling the way you do, stop and remind yourself—if every woman experiences this, then it’s not crazy. It’s normal. It’s natural. What is crazy is submitting to a 100-year-old belief that comes from the idea that your uterus wanders your body aimlessly until it attacks your brain.
If you still feel crazy, keep in mind that in spite of all the insistence of mental frailty and pseudo-punishment through hysterical diagnosis, women pushed through those barriers over and over again so that we could be the women we are today. If they could do that, then we can be proud to embrace the natural emotions that so many women have had deemed insane.
So cry, cry in their honor, because while people may idly refer to you as crazy, at least you know you won’t be committed.

About the Author
Stephanie Carroll is author of A White Room, a story of a woman who is diagnosed with hysteria in 1901 Missouri.  She also writes the The Unhinged Historian and the Unhinged & Empowered Navy Wives blogs. Visit her at www.stephaniecarroll.net. A White Room debuts this Summer.

My friend Jenny just had her first child.  He started holding up his own head at four weeks, and rolling over at the age of six weeks.  Jenny called her sister right away.  “Junior’s rolling over already!  The books say he’s not supposed to be able to do that for another ten weeks!”  “Well, Jen,” her sister replied, “I hate to break it to you, but Junior hasn’t read those books.”

No matter how prepared you think you are, motherhood can knock you flat on your back.  It’s not just learning about diapers and homework, either; life can throw all sorts of curve balls. Before Andrew was born, I didn’t worry about the unknown.  I dreamed of the mother I would become and the child I would raise.  He would be happy and outgoing.  He would love sports, and we would spend hours playing catch in the backyard.  Every day would provide hours of bliss, because I would be the perfect mother to the perfect child.

Right.  Of course, I had no idea that I was about to give birth to a brilliant, sensitive child who not only hates sports, but also suffers from learning-disabilities, ADD and clinical depression.  My dream did not include years of not being a “normal” family, years of Andrew understanding all too well that he was not a “normal” kid. No pain could have cut deeper than when my son told me he didn’t know how it felt to be happy, when I was doing everything in my power to give him the best life I could.  You just can’t prepare for that.

We managed to get through the worst, and eventually found the medications that enable him to embrace life for all of its possibilities. Andrew is happy now. He has friends and hobbies.  He is polite, helpful, kind, and incredibly funny.  His smile lights up a room, and I’m so grateful to see it, so grateful to be able to love this incredible, complicated, darling boy, and to have the opportunity to watch him grow into a man.

Motherhood is a gift, even when it’s tough. It teaches us patience, sacrifice, and perspective in a way nothing else can.  I would not have chosen to go through those tough years any more than Andrew would.  My job was to love him desperately, and never to give up hope.  I did the best I could.

Not all families experience such challenges, but all parents have their crosses to bear and lessons to learn.  Here is my advice for mothers everywhere:

Accept your child for who he/she is.  Maybe your husband is a golfer, but your son prefers to dance. Maybe you were a great student, but your daughter struggles with dyslexia.  Love them anyway, and make sure they know it!  Support them, encourage them, help them find things they enjoy and are good at.

Listen respectfully.  I recently heard a mom tell her 11 year-old son, “you don’t love that girl; you don’t know what love is yet.”  This boy will either grow up to distrust his own emotions, or to avoid confiding in his mother.  When your children share with you, be grateful, shut up and listen.

Teach your child to respect others.  Cute and spoiled at age two?  It’s not so cute at age 20.  Make sure your children learn manners. Teach them to be kind by showing them acts of kindness.  I’m never so proud of my kids as when I see them going out of their way to help others.

Don’t sweat the small stuff.  Jimmy got sent to detention; it doesn’t mean he’ll never graduate.  Kids are going to make mistakes.  We are not here to prevent them from ever messing up; we are here to help them avoid the worst mistakes, and not to repeat the small ones.

Give them the tools they need to be responsible adults.  Teenagers who think its okay to cover their floor with dirty clothes and garbage will not miraculously learn to be neat when they hit college.  Likewise, they will not learn how to make a lasagna, balance a budget, or write a decent thank-you note.  I’m just sayin’.

Motherhood is an awesome, overwhelming, and often thankless job. It’s also the best one out there.  Be the mother you wish you’d had, and you’re on the road to greatness.

Happy Mother’s Day.

About the Author

Sylvia Forrest holds a BA in Philosophy from Wesleyan University and a MBA from Emory University.  She proclaims, however, that she received her best education from her grandmothers. Forrest currently lives in Louisville, Kentucky where she is happily married, a mother to two beautiful children and a dear friend to many.

“A View from My Window – REAL STORIES for REAL WOMEN” can be purchased from www.amazon.com, through www.Createspace.com and local bookstores such as Reader’s Corner Bookstore.

I sit here this morning charting a new course, a new path to travel this summer, as I continue along my Adventure that has changed over time and completely changed my life 16 months ago. The 9-to-5 existence that was once mine is over.

How did I get to this point in my life, you ask?

The scene from “A Beautiful Mind” was what my roommate walked into on that fated day in July 2011 when I decided to rechart my course through life. I listed my strengths, my skills and what I desired for my future. Not having a husband, children, or pets made it easy for me to move forward with my plans – the responsibilities that restrain most were not holding me back. What I wanted – an Adventure of traveling and writing – would allow me to share my experiences and breathe life back into the spirit of those so devastated by the economic downturn, those who could not follow the same path.

STEP 1: Get a big piece of paper and tape it to the wall. Get a box of crayons. Put yourself back into the mindset of when you were a kid. Make lists, draw pictures, dream of what you want…put it on your “wall.”

It took me six months to tidy up my life. I got rid of baggage. I narrowed down my existence into sheer simplicity and took off for my adventure. It wasn’t easy; I just made it look that way. I knew in my heart that what I was running towards was better than anything that I had run from. The naysayers came out in full force, not great things happened to me that could have thrown me off track, but nothing did. I had faith.

STEP 2: Have complete, total, unshakeable belief in yourself. When you do, when you know and believe in yourself, what you are working for will happen. In the words of Sir Winston Churchill “Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever give up.”

A few months into my Adventure, I discovered that my original plan needed rethinking. I was now my own boss in charge of my own destiny. When I realized that my business model was not working, I reshaped it to fit the changes that I experienced in the global market. I didn’t waste time: stagnancy was the road to ruin and not a part of my vocabulary.

STEP 3: Use the “splat method.” Throw your idea against the wall and see if it sticks, if not, try something new. DO NOT waste time on something that does not work.

It takes gumption. It takes ability. I discovered during my year of making the least amount of money that I have ever made, that it does not take a huge bank account! My resume is comprised of job-building blocks that got me to this point. A decade ago I couldn’t do what I am doing now unless I had been born an heiress. Now, thanks to technology and globalization, I have embarked on an Adventure around the world as a photographer and writer gathering the material for a children’s book series that I am writing.

To create change in your life, whether large or small, you will have to jump out of that safe space and into the unknown; into a place in life that can be the scariest yet most fulfilling. I have noticed during my travels around the world while on my Adventure that Americans place too much emphasis on worrying about things about which that they shouldn’t waste their energy worrying. That they allow other’s perceptions to hold them back from achieving what they want; yet we are the lucky ones living in a country that is based on freedom, individuality and entrepreneurship.

My advice to you:

R: Rethink your present.

E: Evolve into what you want.

I: Invest the time and effort.

N: Never ever, ever give up!

V: Venture into the unknown.

E: Embrace the change.

N: Nicely, yet with slight narcissism, put yourself first.

T: Tirelessly work towards your goal.

About the Author

Amanda is on the journey of a lifetime circling the world wearing cargo pants by day and evening gowns by night. She loves exploring the cultures, creating breath-taking photography and sharing her experiences – extreme, life-changing and otherwise – through her writings. Someday she’ll return to the States, but for now she has a children’s book series to create and fine art prints to sell. She’s not stopping until she makes it happen! You can follow Amanda on Facebook, LinkedIn, Pinterest, Google+, Twitter, her travel blog RSS Feed, subscribe to her monthly newsletter, purchase her art at her store and read about her adventures on her travel blog. To find those links and learn more about Amanda, visit her at http://amandasbigworldadventure.com.

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They feature a wide array of styling tools: flat irons, curling sets, stylers, curling irons, and quite a bit more.

To learn more about ISO Beauty visit http://www.isobeauty.com.

In my role as a psychologist, I have counseled many couples.  I often begin the first session by asking each partner, “What do you think is the most significant problem in your relationship?”  Overwhelmingly, the answer given by both men and women is “communication.”  How is it that we don’t know how to speak so that we feel heard?  After all, most of us have been talking since we were toddlers!

There are a few rules that we are not necessarily taught that may help improve our communications with one another.  They will take practice if they are not already your style and might feel awkward and artificial in the beginning.  But keep in mind that there are few things we perform proficiently without practice – and sometimes we practice a skill in the wrong way for a long time!

You are the only one who knows what you are thinking or feeling until you share that thought or feeling with another.  That makes you the authority on YOU!  No one can tell you that you don’t think or feel a particular way or that you shouldn’t experience whatever you are experiencing.

From that perspective, isn’t it wise to talk from your authority?  Begin by saying, “I think (or feel)…” and then state the thought or emotion and the cause of it.  It might sounds something like this: “I felt disappointed, because I was looking forward to seeing the movie with you as we planned, and then you didn’t show up or call.”  Even as the offender, I can hardly argue with that.  I may or may not offer explanation, but if I value our relationship, I will certainly apologize.

Let’s use the same example with the complaint focused on the offender.  It might be delivered in an angry or sullen manner and would sound closer to “You never keep your word.  Once again, I waited and waited for you.  I don’t know why I bother.  I should learn that you can’t be trusted to follow through with anything.”  The experience was the same, but there is no identification or ownership of feelings, and the complaint is full of criticism and blame.

When we accuse and blame, especially if our accusations are accompanied by absolutes (like always and never), the offender is immediately put on the defensive.  It’s human nature; if we feel attacked, we defend, even if we are in the wrong.  Furthermore, the observed problem is now an attack on character and may very well escalate into more hurt feelings that could even threaten the friendship.

How often do you start with a desire to simply share an experience you had with another but sense that the other misunderstands you?  Maybe they offer unsolicited advice on how you should respond to the situation or indicate that you are overreacting.  Before you know it, you’re in a shouting match, perhaps escalating into name-calling, or perhaps you just walk away feeling the other doesn’t hear or understand you.  The exchange becomes full of contempt (defined as a powerful feeling of dislike toward somebody or something considered to be worthless, inferior, or undeserving of respect) or stonewalling.  This name fits the behavior perfectly, for the person who experiences it feels as if he or she is talking to a stone wall.  In essence, stonewalling is saying to the other, “I find you so undeserving of my time and attention, I will not even listen to you.”

Don’t allow contempt or stonewalling to enter into your communication.  Both are disrespectful and hurt.  Do open yourself to the possibility that your eagerness to express yourself might not be the optimal time for your listener to attend to you.  If that is the case, be willing to hear, “I’m sorry, I just can’t give you my full attention right now.  I’ve had a hard day at work and need some time to unwind.  I am interested in what you have to say, so can it wait for 30 minutes or so?”

Following these guidelines will go a long way in improving the chance that your message is heard.  But, of course, I’ve addressed only one half of the communication exchange.  The other responsibility belongs to the listener.  Giving our undivided attention to another is quite challenging; it is hard for us to silence our own reactions and responses long enough to hear another’s message.

That’s a lesson for another article.

About the Author

Dr. Amelia Jo Mitchell is a clinical psychologist who wrote the book, “Lemon Pie, Lesson From Unlikely Places to Nourish You In Troubled Times.” Visit Dr. Mitchell online at ameliajomitchell.com.

Dancers are notorious for their enviable toned bodies, gracefulness, and confidence. Susana Hayman-Chaffey, former soloist with the esteemed Merce Cunningham Dance Company, shares what worked for her to create the answer to the modern woman’s ultimate question – how do we balance a successful career with family life? Or better yet, can we “do it all” and still stay happy and fulfilled?

1. BECOME EMPOWERED

Make yourself financially independent as soon as you can. Know that you are not subservient or inferior to any man. Use your charms as a woman to be warm, loving and kind. Remember that to be an empowered woman you do not need to be hard, aggressive or defensive. In fact, it is best to use the soft side of your character to gain other people’s confidence. Be confident, accepting and kind.

2. BE A PROTAGONIST IN YOUR OWN LIFE

To be a protagonist in your own life, you need to first believe in yourself. Know that you are unique, there is no one else like you. Look at what you represent to yourself and what you have that is special. It can be anything: your eyes, the way you laugh, your unique way of dressing. Whatever it is, cherish that, feel it, sense it and then move on to the rest of you. If there is something you don’t like, find a way to improve it or change it. I did not like my birth name, Susan, so I added an a at the end to be Susana. It gave me more confidence and I felt it represented who I was better. Try not to buy into the stereotypes society and the world around you tries sell you.

3. LIVE LIFE IN THE PRESENT

Learn to meditate at least once or twice a day, even, for 15 minutes at a time. If you don’t feel you can do it on your own, look for meditation sites that can help guide you. I use a simple method where I sit down in a comfortable place, close my eyes and imagine a white light surrounding me (don’t worry if you can’t visualize it, with practice you will) and I just let my mind concentrate on my breathing. If thoughts come up, I let them pass as a cloud in the sky, and just allow myself to be present in the moment. Before I finish, I just close the light off.

When you do something, anything, be concentrated and focused. The past is gone, and there’s nothing you can do about that. The future is in front; all you really have is the present moment. We all know this, yet we persist in not following what we know to be true. For this reason, meditation is important because it brings you into the present, like also yoga, Tai Chi, or a walk in nature can also do in a different way.

Put your whole attention into what you are doing. For example, when talking to someone, really listen to their words. Don’t be thinking your own thoughts or be distracted. The act of total concentration allows your mind and body precious moments of rest from the constant bombardment of your thoughts.

 4. GETTING A HANDLE ON YOUR WEIGHT

Weight problems can be connected to your stress levels, self-esteem issues, lack of discipline, and resistance to dealing with the problem through your own efforts. We all think and hope for a solution that will magically help us drop the unwanted pounds. The health and pharmaceutical industry is making millions on this attitude. Why not get a handle on this with your own efforts? There is no magic wand. It  may be helpful to remember that eating patterns all start in childhood with what your parents fed you, leading to how much you eat, why and when you eat now.

More small meals are best, as they keep your metabolism burning. It is like putting logs on a fire, so that the fire does not go out. Go for a brisk walk after your heaviest meal of the day. Eat your smallest meal in the evening before 7 p.m. and don’t eat anything afterwards.

It is all about attitude, discipline, control and optimism. Don’t think in a defeatist way. Believe you can do this. You can start by eliminating, breads, sugars, sodas, most dairy, except low fat, and all starches. Introduce fish, lean poultry, all kinds of vegetables, fruits and, in limited quantities, dried fruits and nuts. A good way to control how much you eat is by only filling a half of your plate. And remember to drink plenty of water.

About the Author

Susana Hayman-Chaffey is the author of Love, Please: A Memoir of Destiny, Loss and Healing.

Cinderella, Snow White, and Hansel & Gretel — what do they all have in common? The omnipresent myth of the “Evil Stepmother.” It’s easy to imagine how this constant negative representation of stepparents in books, television and movies is very unhealthy for children of blended families. How can they feel good about accepting stepparents into their lives when everything they are hearing is the contrary?

In fact, this myth may be affecting both children and adults more than they realize, due to the effects of what social researchers refer to as “stereotype threat.” In a nutshell, stereotype threat means the more someone is aware of a stereotype, the more they are apt to act in accordance with it. The social psychologists Claude Steele and Joshua Aronson conducted tests, which confirmed that stereotype threat could affect academic performance. They found that African-American college students performed more poorly than white college students on tests where race was emphasized. However, on tests where race was not emphasized, African-American students performed equally with white students.

The “threat” portion of stereotype threat refers to the member of the stereotyped group – stepmothers in this case. In her book The Happy Stepmother, Rachel Katz explains: “If you try to avoid conforming to such [negative] labels, you will react differently than if you did not feel threatened. You will work harder to overcome the stereotype, and, more likely than not, you will experience more anxiety.” But the negative stereotypes around stepmothers don’t just affect the stepmothers themselves. I would argue that the more children are aware of these stereotypes, even if they know they’re fairy tales, the more likely they are to believe in them, even if that belief is subconscious.

In real life, there are of course good stepmothers and bad stepmothers, good mothers and bad mothers. And to even categorize someone as all good or all bad is unrealistic, but the media likes to create one-dimensional characters. If characters in movies and television aren’t one hundred percent good or bad, then we actually have to use our brains to think about what motivates them. Unfortunately, sometimes the stories that sell are the ones that don’t ask the audience to think.

In the movie “Nanny McPhee,” the children end up with a kind stepmother, but not before a stereotypically wicked potential stepmother comes dangerously close to marrying their father. And in “Enchanted,” the character Giselle remarks, “I’ve met many stepmothers, and most of them are very nice,” which is a pleasant sentiment, but I’m not sure it cancels out that stepmother Queen Narissa just turned into a destructive, fire-breathing dragon!

The question is, how necessary to the story are these negative depictions of stepmothers – and do the depictions have the unfortunate effect of reinforcing the stereotypes? Couldn’t a stepmother be part of a story where there’s no concern of her being evil? There have been plenty of books written that attempt to “normalize” stepparents, but too often they come across as didactic or preachy. Many books implicitly draw a line between “normal” families and stepfamilies, and unfortunately, that’s something which young readers pick up on.

When writing the book “My Fairy Stepmother,” our aim was to take the most popular myth, Cinderella, and turn it on its head. The evil stepmother has been replaced with a caring one who uses her magic to help her stepdaughter overcome her fear of sleeping. Hopefully this book will provide a nice platform for stepparents and stepchildren to connect and feel good about their blended family. If the media keeps telling children stepmoms are evil, they will always have this preconceived notion in the back of their minds, which will make acceptance all the more difficult.

Being a stepmother is no easy task, and those who take on this role should be praised, instead of vilified. It’s time the paradigms shift so that stepmothers and blended families in books, movies and television are shown in a positive light that is more reflective of today’s family dynamic. In fact, having multiple role models with different perspectives can help broaden and enrich a child’s life. We hope more books like My Fairy Stepmother are forthcoming and maybe someday, when a child says “I’m going to have a stepmom,” the general response will be, “That’s great – you’re so lucky!”

About the Author

Marni Prince is the author of My Fairy Stepmother, available on Amazon.com. For more information about the book, please visit http://www.myfairystepmother.com/.

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