Now that school’s out and summer’s in, people tend to plan outdoor gatherings to enjoy the company of friends and acquaintances. Pool parties, barbecues and graduation festivities can be great opportunities to make new social connections. So, if you’re lucky to score an invite to one of these shindigs, plan to brush up on your small talk skills.
You’ll likely meet people you don’t know, or at least don’t know well enough to share your innermost secrets with, so you’ll need to keep things light, which can be more complex than holding a conversation with a good friend. There’s an art to effective chitchat and with a few tricks up your summery-sleeves you’ll feel equipped to navigate any social celebration.
There are certain individuals who are petrified of meeting new people. Others feel comfortable with casual conversation and can maneuver around most introductions. Whichever category you fall into, consider the group you’ll be with for the next several hours before you arrive at your event destination. Are the other guests career-oriented folks from work, or are they moms with oodles of kids?
Naturally, you’ll talk about different topics depending on the respective crowd you meet. Are they the newsy, read-a-lot types? You’ll want to be sure to check the morning headlines to beef up your bank of current event issues to kick around. You surely wouldn’t want to be the only one who is not aware Angelina has adopted yet another child! Or, more importantly, postage and gasoline rates have increased, which are subject matters for interesting deliberation.
There are certain issues most people can identify with and they all fall in the “safe small talk” zone. When striking up a conversation with someone you’re meeting for the first time stay away from anything antagonistic, argumentative or controversial. Stick to broad interest topics like cultural events or local news. Ask how the guests met the host and how long they’ve known each other. This opens the door for more information you can build on as you continue your dialogue: “You met in graduate school, what was your major?”; “You’re on the same school board, are you satisfied with the parental participation this year?” This approach is nothing more than the old “find a crack and dig” principle.
Asking open-ended questions is key. If you ask a “yes-or-no” question, you might simply get a “yes” or “no” answer and find that you have to fumble for another inquiry. Carrying the conversation can be tortuous when the one you’re conversing with is not talkative. But if you’re adept at asking the right kinds of question, you can get the most timid individual to take your bait and engage.
People can feel intimidated communicating with a superior. Yet even the most high-powered executive likes to talk about her kids at a social get-together. Asking her what her children are up to during the vacation season will break the ice as she blissfully answers your question. Other icebreakers include reports about recent or upcoming trips, a new restaurant discovery, or an informal review of a book recently read or a film just seen. You can either pose the question to your new pal or simply declare that you’ve just seen a thought-provoking movie, which will prime the pump for more interaction.
Other openers include:
- Questions about where the other guest grew up and which school she attended.
- What kind of plans does she have for the summer?
- What type of sports does she enjoy?
- If you were briefed about this individual, only bring up the positive comments you’ve been told and ask the “how” and “why” questions.
- Is summer a busy season at work or do you find that the tone is more laid back?
There are certain taboo topics when meeting new people or speaking with individuals with whom you do not share a personal relationship. Never ask delicate questions or bring up issues that can violate someone’s privacy; for instance, stay away from asking about her divorce or property settlement. No matter how relaxed the function is, you still want to maintain class and recognize what questions are off-limits.
Here are others you want to avoid:
- How much do you make?
- Is your jewelry real?
- What’s your political affiliation?
- How much did you pay for your house?
- Have you put on a little weight?
- What’s your sexual orientation?
- What was your tax bite this year?
- Are those real or implants?
And if you find yourself as the subject of one of these inappropriate inquiries, deflect it by stating, “I make more than you think but less than what I’m worth,” and change the subject by asking a question about her profession. Keep in mind some people are simply socially inept and although you may take offense to certain questions, they were probably not intended to cause you any grief. But be the savvy gal — be polite and stay within your appropriate speech boundaries when speaking with others so you are not the cause of anyone’s needless anxiety.
One important note to consider as you mingle with less familiar people: we all want to feel worthy of others’ time and interest. When you make small talk, be respectful and make eye contact with those with whom you interface. There’s nothing worse than speaking with someone who is looking around to see who may be more interesting or is checking out the next person to meander over to. You don’t want to be one of those people. When you ask questions with sincerity, you’re indicating you’re actually paying attention. If you feel you’ve genuinely connected with someone you’ve just met, perhaps suggest you get together again to become better acquainted. Whether or not it actually happens, you’ll at least convey to your new pal you’ve enjoyed her company and she is appealing.
Small talk doesn’t need to be a big problem. You’ll find the more you mingle the easier it can be. And soon you’ll come upon stories or questions proving to be effective introductions to newfound friends, and you can utilize those each time you meet someone new. Casual chatter doesn’t just happen, it’s created. And if your goal is to be a better communicator, then begin by compiling some tasteful and thought-provoking openers to use at your next summer rendezvous.