The Money, Honey: A Not So Happy New Year
By Jason V. Simons ~
As the telephone jingles away through the Holiday Season with calls from friends and relatives, everyone seems to be in great spirits wishing all the best for a Happy New Year. Then suddenly the ring tone changes as we turn the calendar to 2012. Calls begin rolling in from creditors wondering why you haven’t paid the credit card bill. Before long the phone takes a very different tone, even the ring sounds different, almost angry and somewhat annoying. It is collection companies turning your Holiday Cheer and New Year resolutions into stress and concern about how you are possibly going to deal with the bills you racked up throughout the Holiday Season.
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This is a very common theme throughout our country, with millions of people facing the same financial distress. It is difficult to face in many instances and causes tremendous stress for families especially if there is no plan for resolving the debt. The average credit card balance per household in 2012 is estimated to be in excess of $15,000 and creditors are becoming more and more aggressive in their collection tactics. You need help, and in most cases professional advice is critical to ensure that you are maximizing your efforts and eliminating the debt both quickly and efficiently.
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The first and probably most important step you can take is to pull a recent credit report. Everyone in the United States is entitled to one free credit report per year and there are several websites that will walk you right through the process. Unfortunately, most people don’t know how to read a credit report which is why meeting with a credit counselor, financial planner, or bank representative is important. If you understand what you are facing, it is much easier to develop a plan of attack. It is also imperative to realize that you did not accumulate the debt overnight so it is going to take some time to reduce or eliminate the balances. Most people want a quick fix and that simply does not exist. It takes time and dedication to do a budget or program which will help you to achieve the ultimate result of becoming debt free.
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One of the other important steps to take right away is to create a carefully thought out budget for the current year. This will not only help with past debts, but also avoid more problems in the future. Even though the Holidays just whizzed by, now is the time to start saving some money for next year. Staying within the plan can be difficult as life throws financial curve balls at all of us throughout the year, but a budget will improve your chances for success and create a much better personal money management system—and that budget can include an emergency fund too.
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Another critical thing to consider is how the financial balance within the household is impacting the family unit. All too often parents fight about money without realizing that it can tear relationships apart and create stress and anxiety for children. We assume that children don’t understand what is going on, but they know more than you think and can certainly learn from some of the issues. If children do not get an explanation directly from their parents they will often stray outside the family unit in order to gain an understanding of what is really going on. This can cause tremendous embarrassment about a very sensitive topic if kids decide to speak to the parent of a friend or even a teacher. It is best to include your own children in the discussion to be sure the family issues don’t wander out of the household.
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It is also more important than ever to begin educating children about good credit habits, the value of money, and avoiding debt. If we start at a young age to expose children to these topics they will be much more prepared to handle similar challenges later in life. Even simple lessons like getting an allowance can teach children how to manage money, save, and even gain a basic knowledge about credit. I once taught a young class how to build credit with their parents by getting double allowance and then working off the “balance due” by doing chores around the house! Simple, but effective, and even fun for kids when they are working towards something they want or helping out around the house.
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During tough economic times, people are far more aware of financial stress especially if they have poor credit and significant debt. Generally it is all over the news, and following the Holidays we are often reminded just how easy it was to overspend when the credit card bills start bombarding our mailboxes. Many people learn the hard way after years of facing high balances, soaring interest rates, and the stress associated with juggling bills. Our children are poised to learn from those mistakes, but it is important that we take the time to teach them about money management and the value of good credit early on, even as we learn from our own mistakes.
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Jason V. Simons is President of National Settlement Solutions, Inc. and author of the recently released children’s book, The Day Debt Moved In. Simons, who holds a Business Administration degree from Roger Williams University, has an extensive financial background that includes a fifteen year focus on debt settlement. Meanwhile, his new book tells a common story of family life that reminds both children and parents that, when they stick together, many obstacles can be overcome. He was inspired to write The Day Debt Moved In after witnessing the tremendous impact of financial hardship on children, and he hopes to bring recognition and awareness to this issue. Jason and his wife have two young children.
The Cool Communicator: Clean Slate for the New Year? Embracing Forgiveness
By Rabbi Rami ~
New Year’s Day is over. Have you broken your Resolutions yet?
If you’re like me, the answer to that question is “yes,” so this is a good time to think about forgiveness.
Forgiveness isn’t a skill you can master and employ whenever you wish, or a tool you can use the way you might use an umbrella or a fork. Rather:
- Forgiveness is a natural response to reality that arises from a deep understanding of the nature of life and how best to live it.
- Forgiveness isn’t a way to escape from your past or to forget it; it’s a way of not dragging your past into your present.
- Forgiveness isn’t a way to avoid suffering; it’s a way to avoid clinging to suffering.
Life is a blend of joy and sorrow, happiness and horror. Forgiveness won’t change that. But it can free you from dragging sorrow into your moments of joy, and prevent you from allowing moments of horror to corrode your moments of happiness.
There are two keys to living life with forgiveness at its core. The first is found in Ecclesiastes (3: 1-8).: “To everything there is its season, a time for every purpose under heaven: a time to plant, and a time to uproot… a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance… a time to embrace, and a time to let go… a time for love, and a time for hate… a time to be born, and a time to die.”
Everything has its time, its moment for arising and its moment for passing on. You cannot have one without the other. Just as front goes with back, so weeping goes with laughing, and loving goes with hating. What you can have—all you can have—is one thing after another, so the key to navigating life well is to know what time it is: to know when to laugh and when to mourn, when to love and when to hate. When you know what the moment requires, you know how to act in it. And when the moment passes so does the action that it required. Forgiveness is what happens when you know and live with the arising and passing of time.
Forgiveness is the art of living life with clarity and humility moment to moment. Forgiveness requires you to know that everything has its time; that everything that can arise will arise; that there is no escaping joy or suffering. And that knowing leads us to the second key to forgiveness: you are rarely if ever the target.
Imagine you’re canoeing on a lake and a thick fog rolls in. Fearful that you will get lost, you paddle for the dock as quickly as you can. Along the way you notice another canoe with the same goal, but this one is on course to ram you. You start shouting to warn the paddlers off, but they pay you no heed. You try to avoid them, but they adjust course and seem intent on hitting you. And when they do, you grab the other canoe, and thrust your head into it screaming your outrage. It is then you realize the canoe is empty. Somehow it had gotten loose of its moorings and, caught by the current, could do nothing other than what it did: ram you. It did what it did because it couldn’t do anything else.
What is true of this canoe is true of most people as well. Most of us most of the time are caught up in the currents of our lives, doing what we think will make us happy, and often causing ourselves and others unintended suffering in the process. When you realize this, forgiveness is axiomatic. There are going to be moments in your life when pain just happens. The actors are locked into their scripts and the drama unfolds and you get hurt. But the canoe is empty: no one set out to hurt you, and you didn’t set out to hurt anyone else. It just happened because that is what life is: things just happening.
When you know this, forgiveness just happens as well. Forgiveness is difficult only when we imagine things could be other than they are. But they can’t. Given all the conditions at play in any given instant what happens is what must happen.
This is difficult for many of us to accept. We want to believe that people could have acted differently than they did, but this only works in hindsight. People do what they do because, at the moment of doing it, that was all they could do.
We make decisions based on partial data because complete data is never available, and because we do so unexpected things happen. We choose our actions based on conditioning rooted in both genes and memory, and because we do so we are never truly free. We do what we do because doing it makes sense at the moment.
Once we realize that most of the hurts we receive and even cause are unintended, that we are all doing the best we can with what we have to work with at any given moment, forgiveness is choiceless. When we know that we are all conditioned by the past, compassion arises within us, and forgiveness is how we express it. We hold no grudge because we know our suffering is rarely the other person’s goal. And even when it is, forgiveness arises for we know it could not be otherwise. This doesn’t mean you can’t change, grow, or mature; this doesn’t mean that you should excuse hurtful behavior; it only means that what happens does so because nothing else could happen in that moment.
Forgiveness isn’t something you need to cultivate, but the natural response to a truth you need to know: everything has its time.
Rabbi Rami Shapiro, PhD teaches religious studies at Middle Tennessee State University and is the director of Wisdom House Center for Interfaith Studies in Nashville. He has written over two dozen books and a new series, Rabbi Rami Guides: Roadside Assistance for the Spiritual Traveler, available at Spirituality & Health Books and Amazon.com; see www.rabbirami.com.
Photo Copyright (c) 123RF Stock Photos
Savvy Smarts: Introducing Solid Foods to Your Baby
By Jacqueline Shaprow ~
It is fun for babies to explore different textures, colors, and tastes as they embark upon the journey of eating solid foods. Most babies are ready for solid foods at 4 to 6 months of age. However, it is important to remember to consult your pediatrician before beginning solid foods, because your doctor may have very specific instructions for you. Pediatricians will discuss detailed feeding routines with parents, and they will ensure that your baby is growing according to schedule. According to The American Academy of Pediatrics recommendations, mothers should breastfeed their babies exclusively for at least four months and preferably for six, and mothers should continue breastfeeding even after solid foods are introduced until a baby is 12 months old. Remember that solid foods are not meant as a substitute for the nutrition provided by a mother’s breast milk. Therefore, it is important to make sure that your baby is getting enough breast milk or formula even after she begins eating solid foods. A good way to ensure your baby gets enough breast milk is to nurse her before feeding her solids. If a baby is producing one to two bowel movements per day and makes a good amount of wet diapers, then you are probably on the right track in terms of your feedings.
Every baby is different. Some babies will eat two jars of baby food in a day, and others will only eat a few spoonfuls of solid food per day when solid foods are initially introduced. Since every baby has different needs, it is important to be sensitive to your baby’s cues during feedings to ensure that they are receiving the right amount of solid food for their own individual needs. Feed as slowly or as quickly as your baby wants to eat. If your baby turns her head away as you offer more food, then you may want to slow down the feeding. Simply wait for your baby to show readiness to eat again before giving her another spoonful of food. If your baby continuously turns her head away each time you offer more food, then you may want to end the feeding period because your baby is probably full. Pay close attention to your baby’s cues during feedings, and look out for the below signs to tell if your baby is full or still wants more.
Cues that your baby is done eating:
- Pursing of lips, or closing the mouth when the spoon approaches
- Turning the head away as the spoon approaches
- Looking down
- Spitting out food which they have been fed
- Unexplained crying or whimpering
Cues that your baby is still hungry for more:
- Opening the mouth as the spoon approaches
- Reaching for the spoon and attempting to put it in their mouth
- Reaching toward the bowl or jar containing food
When you enter Whole Foods Market, Ralphs, or any grocery store, you will see the following baby food options: peas, sweet potatoes, squash, apples, bananas, carrots, green beans, pears, oatmeal, and rice cereal, among others. There are organic and non-organic baby food options in most grocery stores. Some mothers choose to buy jars of baby food in stores, while others opt to make their own baby food with a baby food maker, an instrument that steam-cooks and purees fruits, vegetables, and meat. Some moms love preparing their own baby food, while others may find it overwhelming and stressful. Every mother is different and every baby is different, so do what works best for you!
While shopping for baby food, it is important to be aware that some vegetables may contain nitrates. Specific vegetables to watch out for are the following:
- Carrots
- green beans
- spinach
- squash
- beets
The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends that parents refrain from feeding their babies the above vegetables, which may contain nitrates until a baby is three months old. The AAP recommends starting babies on solid foods at four to six months, but if parents do choose to give their baby vegetables before three months of age, then they should be careful to avoid carrots, green beans, spinach, squash and beets.
It is important for parents to be aware of food allergies when introducing solid foods to babies. The below foods are responsible for 90 percent of food allergies in young children:
- Shellfish
- Soy
- Dairy products
- Tree nuts
- Wheat
- Peanuts
- Egg Whites
- Honey (may cause Botulism in infants, so it should not be fed to infants who are less than one year old)
A lot to think about, right? After considering which vegetables may contain nitrates, which solid foods to introduce first, whether your baby is producing a good amount of bowel movements, whether to buy organic or non-organic baby food, whether to buy jars of baby food or to puree your own baby food at home, and which foods are responsible for most allergies – it is also important to keep one last thing in mind – safe food handling practices to help protect your baby. Below are easy ways to prevent food poisoning.
- Store baby food that has been opened in the refrigerator for no more than three days. Most baby food jars will have this particular instruction printed on the food label to remind you.
- Throw baby food jars away if you are not positive how long they have been sitting in the refrigerator after they’ve been opened. It’s much better safe than sorry!
- Clean baby bowls and utensils carefully before each use.
- If you buy baby food jars, then before each feeding put a small amount of the food from the jar into a bowl. Do not give your baby food directly from the jar because the spoon may transfer bacteria from your baby’s mouth into the jar. The bacteria left in the jar may multiply. Unless you are going to feed your baby the entire jar in one sitting, refrain from feeding directly from the jar for this reason.
With all of the above information in mind, it is now time to begin exploring new foods with your baby – and remember to have fun! Everything is new and exciting for your baby. As your baby tastes each new food, she will have fun making a mess on her high chair and splattering food on the floor. Your baby will marvel at the color of the food that splatters everywhere while she eats. Your baby will play with the food textures that collect between her fingers and she will squeal with delight as she tries a new food she likes. Capture every moment and enjoy.
Jacqueline Shaprow is a writer, an attorney, and a graduate of Yale. Her psychological research was published in the Journal of Health Psychology and distributed internationally. Shaprow publishes motherhood articles and teaches a Decision Making course to pregnant women and new mothers. This course assists mothers with making positive life decisions, and it evaluates the psychological processes underlying the decisions we make. She is the President and Founder of the THE BABY SHOWER FOUNDATION, an organization that brings joy to homeless and low-income pregnant women by organizing special Baby Shower events for these women and providing them with high quality baby care products to assist them in caring for their newborn babies.
Photo Copyright (c) 123RF Stock Photos
The Career Connection: The Lost Art of Business Etiquette
By Josephine Nicholas ~
In these unprecedented economic times and rapidly expanding global economy, executives on all levels need to distinguish themselves from the competition. Gone are the days of common courtesy in a business forum, and ushered in are the days of an in your face type of carelessness about behavior, style, and interaction.
The courtesy and class that used to be prevalent has dwindled; it is true – business etiquette is a lost art and not much can make up for a lack of tact, professionalism, and consideration. Balance needs to be implemented in a business world that is so caught up in itself.
Networking isn’t about the food, how many cards you pass out, or even how many people you meet. It’s about you going up to the woman in the corner who is standing like the wallflower at prom, and introducing her to the right people in the room. Conducting a seminar on a social media dressed as if you didn’t care about your appearance and telling obnoxious jokes isn’t going to gain you new friends in the ‘cool circle’ – conducting that seminar looking like you respect yourself and your audience, nailing the subject matter on the head, and paying close attention to the questions from the audience; these are the things that earn you a seat at the table. According to research, 85 percent of your job success is connected to your people skills.
Engaging in the conversation, focusing on the other person, not interrupting and thinking before you speak are the proper elements involved in a professional business conversation. Proper training on how to best conduct yourself in business settings can increase your bottom line and position in the market. Implement the following four things and watch business associates, clients, and others flock to you like bees to honey:
- Make an Entrance and Work the Room
“Who are the ones in a room we are most drawn to speak with? Qualities others want to be around are humility, confidence and authority; be that person during this holiday season,” says Josephine. “When you make your entrance, it is best to find and go directly to the host and thank them for hosting. Make eye contact, and smile, as you walk through the room, so you do not look lost; and, remember, starting with gratitude is always effective.”
- Introduce Yourself and Others with Ease
“Doing a little research prior to any event you attend is a great way to make sure you are well-informed on the crowd. This knowledge equips you with the ability to introduce yourself to the right people in the room with ease, and have a little something about them to discuss. Everyone likes to talk about their latest accomplishment, award, or effort,” says Josephine. “Never fail to introduce one person who may need an introduction to another in the room – even if this introduction provides zero value to you. You will then be known as the classy person who is looking out for others, making them feel at ease.”
- Implement Effective Meal Tactics and Improve Your Mingling Proficiency
“One of the largest holiday faux paux we see is to have both your hands full when at a party – make sure you always have one hand free to give a proper greeting,” says Josephine. “Additionally, brief yourself on current events and make sure you are skilled with small talk. Be an interesting person to speak with and others – especially your host – will be grateful. Small talk breaks the ice, establishing an immediate connection that you can’t otherwise gain.”
- Effective Business Meal Tactics
“Have you ever faced confusion over which piece of silverware to use during different parts of the meal? Make sure you learn the best way to dine with style and grace so that others walk away feeling as if they were dining with royalty,” says Josephine. “Another hint: always place your napkin on your lap, folded in the middle, with the open side facing the table. Wipe your mouth with the inside of that napkin, not the outside – which only creates a messy napkin. Follow your host with regard to the speed of eating and completing the meal.”
Always keep in mind that when you have proper etiquette and protocol intelligence – the ability to think, learn, and apply etiquette and protocol skills, especially when this ability is highly developed – you will make a better impression, feel better about yourself, and close more deals.
About the Author
Josephine Nicholas is a professional speaker, writer, and entrepreneur. Her work ranges from business etiquette to inspiration and motivation. Josephine runs her own PR Agency, Insert Catchy Headlines, and specializes in obtaining local and national media exposure for her clients. From 2005-2011, she was the Executive Vice President and Press Liaison for CMPS Institute, the first and most prestigious mortgage planning certification program in the industry. Josephine skillfully brings her practical life experiences from her world travels into her class rooms. Her contagious laughter, dynamic personality and energetic presentation style make for an interactive, relevant, and enjoyable experience. You can contact Josephine at josephine@icheadlines.com about speaking at an event or writing an article about the topics in this article, and many more.
Photo credit: Ambro
Savvy Finds: This Week’s Cool Picks
We’ve browsed around and found new stuff to love this week. Check out our latest product finds and special deals … just in time for the holiday shopping season!
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RibbedTee: Look Hot, Stay Cool!
RibbedTee, the undershirt that men truly want to wear, has designed fashionable tees that fit perfectly every time by retaining their shape from wash to wash. The innovative design keeps the shirts tucked in, preserves flat collars and leaves no bunching around the waistline or arms. For a limited time, send RibbedTee your old Hanes®, or any other brand of undershirt, and we will donate them to charity and send you a coupon for 50% off any product on RibbedTee.com, up to $50 in retail value. Details and rules at http://ribbedtee.com/trade.
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Be your own superhero!
PowerCapes.com allows kids to customize superhero capes.
PowerCapes.com allows you to customize super hero capes for anyone ages 2 and up- children, adults and everyone in between. For less than $25, you can pick from 11 cape colors and more than 25 emblems in order to create the perfect color combination for your one-of-a-kind cape. Accompanying masks and cuffs can also be purchased with your one-of-a-kind cape. If you have a little one who prefers to be a princess instead of a superhero, you can order a tutu, fairy princess headband or custom princess t-shirt from PowerCapes.
Want to know more? Visit www.powercapes.com.
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La Roche-Posay Hydraphase Eyes 0.5 fl oz
Reduces puffiness and rehydrates the eye area.Intensive, long-lasting, targeted re-hydration. Hydraphase provides an immediate feeling of cool, soothing freshness. Smoothes and tones the skin around the delicate eye area while it diminishes the look of fine lines and wrinkles. Works wonders on puffy eyelids, and under-eye bags.
Want to know more? Click on the product to visit the Website.
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Power Yoga Tank
The lightweight fabric of the Power Yoga Tank from Lucy Activewear enables a wide range of motion.
Want to know more? Click on the product to visit the Website.
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Savvy Gal Spotlight: The Family “Sandwich” ~ Tips for Those Parenting Children and Parents
By Donna Labermeier ~
Are you a certified member of the “Sandwich Generation?” Have you been placed in the position of “parenting” your aging parents while raising your own small children? Well, during the family gatherings, usually one of us is elected to be the hostess of the feast, and we all know how stressful and unnerving that day can become! So in order to keep calm and maintain your sanity, there are three very important things you can do to bring peace to your holiday festivities (without anyone else’s cooperation):
1) Be the Waterfall
Think of yourself as the top of a waterfall. You are the hostess of the family gathering and the one everyone is looking to for direction in setting the tone for the day. So are you going to cascade over your loved ones feelings of being frantic and overwhelmed or relaxed and comfortable? If you are not calm and centered, the older folks will become cranky and the children will start acting out and misbehaving. Your attitude affects their attitudes. They feel your energy spilling out over them. If it’s negative energy, you’re going to see a negative outcome. If it’s positive energy, you’re going to see a positive outcome. So slow down, take your time, and set a pace that allows you to enjoy the fact that your parent(s) are still here and can spend time with you and your children, and vice versa.…next year may be a different story….be thankful!
If you are constantly being bothered by your parents, children and others, the best way to have a peaceful day is to stop caring. This doesn’t mean you stop caring about the people themselves and their highest good, it means that you stop caring and investing your time in the things that they do. If we focus too heavily on the things we don’t get back from the people we care about, all of our attention will be on issues of lack. Give to yourself by taking a break from caring about what other people do. Giving becomes not a depletion, but a circulation of prosperous energy that, as we enrich others, continually enriches us.
Act out the holiday event in your head at least once in the days leading up to it. Envision your parents and children enjoying each other’s company and everything going smoothly in the living room, while you calmly and joyfully cook in the kitchen and set out the food in the dining room. Use as much detail as possible, and it will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
2) Stop Seeking Approval
Everything does NOT have to be perfect! It is no one else’s business to approve what we do and how we do it…including your parents. You are an adult with your own household. You are in charge! You are no longer a child. You are not your parents. You are your own true self. You are free to make your own choices and decisions. Seeking approval from them gets us into all kinds of trouble. We agree to do things we don’t want to do out of the fear that they may disapprove of us if we say, “No.” The joke is, they more than likely will never approve of a lot of things we do anyway that we don’t even realize, and they’re too busy seeking their own approval from you! So don’t give your “power” away to your parents or your children or anyone else, for that matter. Remember that you are always in the right place at the right time doing the right thing.
Don’t think about the past…you cannot change it, but you can change its effect on the present. We may be clinging to childhood beliefs or experiences that are no longer relevant to our lives or our destinies. We may have old wounds, but we are not prisoners of our pasts, slaves of our memories. We are free at any time to discard those belief systems and behavior patterns that belong to another place and time.
3) Trust in Yourself
Reserve the issue of trust for your relationship with yourself. Use your relationships with other people to teach you about love, honesty, growth, integrity and nonattachment. Trusting others is great in theory, but it’s almost impossible to put into practice. Why? Because most of the time we trust people only when they do exactly what we want them to do. When they act otherwise, we feel disappointed and think they can no longer be trusted. But true trust is not about relying on others to meet our expectations. True trust means learning to rely on ourselves instead, which will help us to accept others for who they are, not for who we want them to be.
Recognize who you are within. Be true to you above all others first and foremost. If we treat ourselves with kindness and compassion, then we will treat others that way, too. It is all very simple, yet very important.
During Autumn, view yourself as a leaf….sometimes we’re vibrant and colorful, sometimes we fall and hit the ground, but we always bloom and grow and start anew. So be still and let the wind carry you in whatever direction it wants you to go, and you will have great peace in your life.
About the author:
Donna Labermeier, a graceful member of the sandwich generation, bowed out of the corporate world in 2003 when her family needed her more than the banking community. She now runs a successful, happy home which includes two beautiful children and continues to be a professional student of life. Though she has studied spiritual development and energy healing for several years now, she received her Bachelor’s Degree in English Literature from Vanderbilt University in Nashville, Tennessee. The Healers, her first novel, is a result of Labermeier’s own healing and personal transformation.
The Healers can be purchased at Amazon.com as an eBook and paperback, on BarnesandNoble.com as an ebook and on TheHealers website.
The Money, Honey: A Single Mom Christmas ~ Making ‘The Most Wonderful Time of the Year’ Manageable
By Rebecca Fisher ~
Every day I wondered if I would have enough money for gas or groceries. Every month I worried I might not be able to pay the utilities, car payment or the credit card that helped us get by when there just wasn’t enough money to go around. And every year, around the middle of November, the slow churn of anxiety began over the obligatory Christmas gifts. I knew I wouldn’t be able to give my daughter everything she hoped for, which wasn’t much when she was younger, but our holiday culture demands every last penny be spent on gifts, and when our pennies run out, there’s the plastic card that makes it all possible.
Like most parents, I cherished Christmas mornings, when my daughter would spring from her bed, waking me with the sky still dark, and behold the wonder of Santa Claus. I wanted it to be perfect, which seemed impossible on my bare budget.
To combat the anxiety and guilt over the impossible, I focused on what I could control. The following are ideas and suggestions made to me by other mothers that helped make Christmas our favorite holiday of the year without the anxiety, guilt and insurmountable debt.
1. Keep Christmas.
The best antidote to the consumerism Christmas we’re all bombarded with is Christmas itself. Every year my family celebrates the greatest gift of all, Jesus – a gift of selfless sacrifice full of love and hope. We read, sing and watch His story together. The only literal gifts involved come from the magi, who offer all they have in thanksgiving and praise. When filled by that story, an iPod seems pretty petty.
But, alas, we are human, and part of our Christmas culture is the gifts. So unless I was going to cut that out entirely, I had to get creative. And I did, by sharing.
2. Share the list.
I am blessed to have a large family and wonderful friends who love my daughter and help me raise her up. They are my village and they often ask what my daughter wants for Christmas. This is when I pull out the list and tell them exactly what she wants. Her grandparents often ask to buy the more expensive items. Of course, I agree. I have no interest in taking all of the credit. Most of it goes to Santa anyway.
3. Communicate with the other parent.
While some ex-spouses are still busy trying to throw a wrench into every wheel of your life, some are more cooperative. With the latter, discuss what gifts your child wants, who will buy them and how they will be presented to your child. Why buy two of the same thing? Your child doesn’t need it and no one can really afford it. Work together. It will make for a much merrier Christmas.
4. Be honest.
The older my daughter gets the more honest and realistic I can be with her when it comes to money. While we don’t need to burden them with all of our financial woes, it’s important to teach them the limits of money. We came up with a budget and she would prioritize. Did she want one large gift or multiple small ones? She gets to decide what she really, really wants and I get to give it to her, though she still thanks Santa…out loud, sitting right next to me with a big smile.
The older my daughter gets, the more she focuses on giving gifts rather than receiving them. I watch her experience the joy of giving and making someone’s day a little brighter. It’s a beautiful thing. Christmas became an opportunity to show her what’s really important about the day and to focus more on it myself.
About the author:
Rebecca Fisher graduated with a B.A. in English and an M.S. in Education, and teaches high school English. Her own experiences living in a mortuary in Northern California and raising her daughter on her own serve as the inspiration for the many macabre and eccentric encounters in her novel. She lives in California with her husband and two daughters.
All the Wrong Places is available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble online, and the Rebecca’s website (www.RebeccaFisherBooks.com) in both paperback and e-book format.
Photo credit: Nutdanai Apikhomboonwaroot
Savvy Smarts: What NOT to Give Your Sweetie for Christmas
By Jan Ross ~
Every magazine I pick up recently has articles about what to give your girlfriend/fiancé/wife for Christmas. Beautiful, glittering piles of decadent chocolates, imaginatively scented soaps, exquisite jewelry and exotic trinkets like a bejeweled iPhone case sparkle enticingly from the pages. Most of the plunder is ridiculously overpriced, completely impractical and not something you would ever use in your lifetime.
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Except the chocolates, of course. You can never go wrong with chocolates.
So what should you get your beloved one? Actually … I don’t have a clue.
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There may be many, many women out there who would love a bejeweled iPhone case and you may be partnered with one of them. All I can do is suggest. Not what you should purchase, but what you should definitely not purchase.
- Wool Sweaters. Nobody needs a wool sweater. They are scratchy, difficult and expensive to clean, they stretch out and moths love to feed on them. Why would anyone buy a wool sweater when you can get soft, comfy, gorgeous sweaters in some sort of manmade fabric that wash like a dream, hold their shape and are much more reasonably priced? And that wool sweater with the reindeer on the front? Step away from the sweaters.
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- Purses. It is physically impossible to buy a purse for another person that they will truly love. A purse is an individual decision, based on many individual factors. Divided or not? Pockets on the outside or not? Shoulder bag or tote? Bright colors or black? One nice designer purse or several lesser-know but equally pretty purses? Don’t even try.
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- Wallets. Similar situation to a purse. My friend Beth gave me a beautiful, brown leather wallet for Christmas one year and I carried it for years and years. In the meantime, wallet fashion changed and they became more colorful and gorgeous. I craved one. So I put it on my Christmas list. In breathless anticipation, I opened the box containing my new wallet. And found. A new wallet that was exactly like my old wallet. My husband, bless his clueless little heart, had no idea what I actually wanted. So I bought myself a beautiful, bright colored wallet and was happy. Shopping for yourself is a great way to get the perfect gift.
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- Any item that assists with house cleaning. Maybe you truly want a new vacuum cleaner under the Christmas tree but I find that highly unlikely. I’m not about to appear on an episode of “Hoarders” anytime soon but I certainly don’t want anything to clean my house jauntily wrapped under my Christmas tree. Or someone may find that new vacuum cleaner hose plugged right where the sun don’t shine.
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- Airline tickets to Paris. Wait.
This one is on the wrong list! You can totally give someone airline tickets to Paris.
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Or a wool sweater, a purse, a wallet or even an engraved set of toilet brushes – if you love them and you know they will absolutely love that gift. There is actually not a truly accurate list of gifts to give or not to give someone, because everyone has different taste (and possibly more diplomacy than me) and you know them better than anyone. Give them what you know they will love. Or pretend to love. It’s the same thing because he will never know. Honestly, he never even noticed the new wallet.
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So shop, buy, wrap and give with love and generosity and she will love it.
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Except that reindeer sweater. Don’t even think about it.
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About the Author:
Jan Ross is a freelance travel writer who travels the world and writes all about it. Her favorite things to do are taking foodie tours, finding fabulous new shops where she can buy shoes and other desperately important accoutrements and lounging on a tropical beach while a white-jacketed waiter brings her a frozen drink on a tray, possibly accompanied by some sort of succulent cheese or decadent chocolate. She may be just a tiny bit spoiled. She maintains a travel blog at www.wanderlustwonder.com where she writes about these topics and many more.
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Photo credit: Master Isolated Images
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Healthy, Fit & Fabulous: Holiday Celebrations Without Regret
The holiday season can be a dieter’s worst nightmare. Tempting treats and schedules filled with tasks and events can quickly take a successful wellness plan off track. Parties and shopping combined with baking and planning make heading to the gym difficult. Selecting the healthiest items on the holiday buffet can be challenging when so many other seemingly more delicious and less nutritious choices are on the table.
Members of TOPS Club, Inc. (Take Off Pounds Sensibly), the nonprofit weight-loss support organization, know that making conscious food choices, practicing portion control, and managing fitness goals are key to maintaining a healthy lifestyle. But what happens when the temptation gets to be too much?
“As the holiday season quickly approaches, it is important to plan healthy eating strategies to prevent weight gain,” according to Dena McDowell, M.S., R.D., C.D., nutritional expert for TOPS. “Every day we are faced with obstacles that could derail a weight-loss plan.”
“But planning in advance can help one stay on track,” McDowell said. Consider these holiday scenarios and their solutions to enjoy a healthful holiday season.
The Shopping Excursion Gone Awry
After shopping all afternoon, you realize that you missed lunch and are now ravenously hungry. You figure that eating at the food court won’t hurt since you’ve been walking throughout the mall.
“What you didn’t realize is that certain food choices can sabotage your exercise efforts,” McDowell says. “Don’t let hunger win. Instead, plan ahead and pack some healthy snacks in your purse such as almonds, a piece of fruit, or a high-fiber granola bar.”
She advises snacking on healthy, low-fat, high-fiber foods to help stave off hunger and make the French fries or dessert not look as appealing. “Remember to pack a water bottle to drink throughout the day,” she adds.
The Office Holiday Party
“Work parties offer many opportunities to make poor food choices as they often are buffet-style meals with unlimited dessert choices,” McDowell says. “Couple large portions with alcoholic beverages and you may have a calorie nightmare on your hands.”
Planning properly can help to make holiday work functions a good networking tool instead of a nutrition nightmare, according to McDowell.
“Eat a light snack before leaving for the party such as an apple and a glass of water. Then, once at the party, use a small plate and look for foods that are not fried or oily-looking,” she says. “Aim to fill your plate with lots of fruits and vegetables to decrease the overall calorie content. Limit alcohol and balance each beverage with a glass of water.”
Fun Family Gatherings
“When families get together, food choices are plentiful and those favorite recipes are not only delicious but also comforting,” McDowell notes.
She suggests preventing overeating at family gatherings by planning in advance to spend more time socializing and less time at the counter. “Offer to do kitchen clean up instead of going back for second helpings,” McDowell adds. “Washing dishes will help prevent going back for more food while allowing for extra calorie-burning potential with this task.”
Consider these additional TOPS tips for making your holidays heathful:
• Set food and beverage limits for yourself in advance.
• Order a glass of low-calorie juice or water.
• Grab a small-sized plate for your meal.
• Load your plate with vegetables and fruit.
• Eat smaller portions of the meats and starches.
• Choose a piece of hard candy or gum to prevent snacking on high-calorie treats.
• Ask for non-fat milk or sugar-free sweeteners in hot beverages.
• Allow seasonal drinks for times of celebration or just once a week.
• Skip the free samples when out shopping. While they may seem insignificant, calories can add up if multiple snacks are eaten during the day.
“Remember that food is only one part of holiday gatherings,” McDowell adds. “Make the meal a secondary aspect of the celebration. Spending quality time with family and friends is more important – and rewarding.”
TOPS Club Inc. (Take Off Pounds Sensibly), the original, nonprofit weight-loss support and wellness education organization, was established more than 62 years ago to champion weight-loss support and success. Founded and headquartered in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, TOPS promotes successful, affordable weight management with a philosophy that combines healthy eating, regular exercise, wellness information, and support from others at weekly chapter meetings. TOPS has about 170,000 members in nearly 10,000 chapters throughout the United States and Canada.
Copyright (c) 123RF Stock Photos
The Cool Communicator: What is a Dysfunctional Home?
By Karen E Herrick, PhD ~
Many popular television shows talk daily about dysfunctional homes. One of the most dysfunctional types for children is a home where parents argue and then refuse to speak to each other. This type of atmosphere causes children to live in a highly stressed environment. In this atmosphere the children’s emotional needs are not met because their parents are not paying attention to them. Their parents are expending their energy in their power struggle with each other. These children will then assume “survival roles.” Depending on their individual personalities they will rigidly fall into the roles of:
- Heroes are overly responsible children and people
- Scapegoats who get attention through negative behavior
- Lost children who are shy and withdrawn
- Macots or clowns who use humor in any way to get attention
- Placators who are always taking care of others’ needs
How rigid the role of each child becomes depends on the degree of dysfunction in the family. The type or personality of your parents is important also. Whether or not you perceived yourself to be in a dangerous situation as a child determines whether or not you believe your family to be more or less dysfunctional. Statistics are that 95-98% of families in the United States are dysfunctional on some level.
The three rules in most dysfunctional families that children learn are: don’t trust, don’t talk and don’t feel. Many times it is therapy that teaches us how to trust again. Guidelines for being with people who you can trust are:
- They should not abuse your feelings
- They should be honest with you
- They should let you be yourself and not judge you
- They will keep confidences when you ask them to do so
- Being with people like this will teach you how to trust yourself
Stages of recovery start with coming out of your family with certain survival skills. You watch a TV show, read an article or a book and realize you are from a dysfunctional home and have assumed a particular role or roles. Then comes a flash of a lightening bolt as the “ah ha” feeling comes over you. This is what is wrong! With this awareness comes new energy that allows you to identify some of your behaviors and give you new strength to learn more about yourself.
Identifying your “core issues” such as: the issue of wanting to control, which is usually huge, ignoring personal feelings and needs, not trusting your own feelings or perceptions, which fills decisions and self-direction with anxiety, feeling overly responsible for parents and other sin the world and having difficulty with intimate relationships.
If you are in therapy or are a “self-help” person you can start making the connections between your present behaviors and past circumstances and learn how to change to new behaviors. This transformation takes time – about 10% of the age you are when you begin this journey into recovery. Integrating new behaviors feels wonderful when you not longer think one thing, feel another and do something else. You can also make mistakes without hating yourself.
The genesis stage is the final spiritual stage where you learn to transcend your past traumas and become creative using your recovery as a stepping-stone to a different life. One positive spiritual component that comes from dysfunction that is virtually unknown is that dysfunctional people “zoned out” in their original family, which is called dissociating. This means they have a greater ability in adulthood to have spiritual experiences.
A spiritual experience of the immediate kind is often described as a transcendent relationship between a person and a higher being, which goes beyond a specific religious affiliation. Some types of spiritual experiences are
- Seeing and/or talking to dead loved one (25% of population)
- Having extrasensory perception (5l% of population)
- Having a Near Death Experience (20% of population)
Usually when people tell of a spiritual experience they’ll start by saying, “I don’t have the words to describe this to you” or “You’re going to think I’m crazy when I tell you this but…” And then they tell you what happened to them.
If more people realized that approximately 50% of people in the United States and England have these types (and other kinds) of spiritual experiences, may more would explain theirs to us and the world would be a more spiritual place. These experiences add substance to people’s lives and people need permission to talk about them. This is a huge benefit that comes from living in a dysfunctional home.
This excerpt comes from the book “You’re Not Finished Yet” written by Karen E. Herrick, PhD. who has shared her clinical expertise for the past twenty-plus years in her private practice in Red Bank, NJ (www.karenherrick.com). She has lectured throughout the United States on dysfunctional homes, grief, loss and dissociation. Her book reveals ways to overcome one’s childhood and ends with chapters on spirituality and the development of your soul. Available on Amazon.com, Authorhouse.com & E book.
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